I'm Kelsley. I'm from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I love video games. I hate squirrels. Dean Winchester.
Me playing Final Fantasy XII
- Balthier: I am the badass with a gun and a bunny chick.
- Kelsley: You get a stick.
- Balthier: But I use g-
- Kelsley: STICK
- Balthier: But guns...
- Kelsley: +20 attack. TAKE THE STICK
- Basch: Like a Basch?
I was tinkering in Skyrim and this happened.
Me playing Resident Evil 5
- *Kelsley reads online that people think that Resident Evil 5 is racist*
- *Kelsley starts playing game*
- Kelsley: It's not racist! You even have an African partner in Africa!
- *Kelsley discovers the level where you're fighting tribal Africans with spears in straw huts*
- Tribal Men: LUBLUBLUBALSFALHSFKAHGHa
- Kelsley: I may have been mistaken.
Me playing Skyrim (with a level 13 character named Kid)
- *Kid and Lydia approach the 7,000 Steps, a long and treacherous staircase to High Hrothgar, home of the Greybeards*
- Farmer Dude: Hey, if you're heading that way drop this off.
- Kid: K.
- Farmer Dude: You shouldn't have too hard of a time. There's only packs of wolves or strays.
- Kid: Whatever, I'll fuck them up with my Superior Ancient Nord Greatsword.
- *Kid and Lydia start their long journey up the Steps*
- *Wild Frostbite Spider appears*
- Kid: You lying bastard!
- *Kid slaps its shit anyways and finishes the quest*
Me playing Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
- *Harry meets Luna by the boat dock place*
- Harry: O hai Luna.
- Luna: Harry, we should light these flares for Christmas.
- Kelsley: I don't see how those two things are connected, but whatever.
- *Harry walks up the huge stairs*
- Luna: There's some fireworks, Harry!
- Kelsley: Thanks, Luna!
- *Harry lights them*
- *Harry continues up the stairs*
- Luna: There's some fireworks, Harry!
- Kelsley: Thanks, Luna.
- *Harry continues up the st-
- Luna: There's some fireworks, Harry!
- Kelsley: Thanks, Luna...
- *Harry-
- Luna: There's some fireworks, Harry!
- Kelsley: GODDAMNIT LUNA I HAVE EYES
- Luna: There's some fireworks, Harry!
- *Kelsley reads the book instead*
Me playing Skyrim (with a level 1 character named Kid.)
- *Kid is walking around in Whiterun*
- *Little girl is bullying little boy*
- Little Girl: Give me five septims or I'll kick your head in! (Or something to that effect.)
- Kelsley: That is not OK. Kid will deliver justice!
- *Kid brandishes Ancient Nord Greatsword*
- Kelsley: Taste my still, little brat!
- *Kid busts the bitch in the head*
- *Little boy runs away*
- *Whole town whips their swords out*
- Kelsley: Shit! I'm sorry!
- *Kid puts his weapon away*
- *Everyone goes about their business*
- *Kid continues to walk around*
- Whiterun Guard: Hey, you look familiar.
- Kid: I do?
- Whiterun Guard: I know you! You did something bad!
- Kid: It's not worth your time.
- Whiterun Guard: You're right. Just don't do it again.
- *Kelsley celebrates as he gets away with attempting to murder the town bully.*
Me playing Skyrim (with a level 1 character named Kid.)
- *Kid is fighting a bandit*
- *Kid has a mace*
- Enemy HP: 100%
- *Kid hits enemy*
- Enemy HP: 98%
- *Kid hits enemy*
- *Kid starts epic cutscene where mace meets face and bandit meets ground*
- Kelsley: EAT MACE BITCH
Me playing Icewind Dale and Icewind Dale 2
- *Kelsley spends an hour making his party and writing their biographies and tweaking their stats*
- Kelsley: This is going to be a fun game!
- *Kelsley is killed by a wave of goblins two seconds from the first town*
- *Kelsley turns off Icewind Dale*
- *Two days later*
- Kelsley: I'll try again, I guess.
- *Same FUCKING thing happens*
- Kelsley: Right. Never touching THIS game again.
- *Kelsley boots up Icewind Dale 2*
- *The main party actually survives for a long time*
- Townsman: The town's under attack!
- Kelsley: I got this! My party is level 2!
- *Kelsley sends his party outside*
- *The party is greeted by an old man that puts them all to sleep instantly*
- *A wave of goblins slaps their shit, and presumably tea bags the entire team*
- *Kelsley once again cries himself to sleep*
Should I keep doing these “Me playing” things?
I find them quite fun. I’ll have to continue later. I’m tired and it’s already tomorrow so I should sleep. See you all!
Me playing Kingdom Hearts II
- *Kelsley has spent 4 or 5 hours as Roxas*
- Kelsley: Get this obnoxious goof off of my screen and let me be Sora.
- *Roxas has to go to the mansion*
- Kelsley: To the end of the Roxas section?
- *Kelsley finds out who Roxas really is*
- Kelsley: Wow. He's actually... kinda awesome.
- *Wild Axel appears*
- Axel: Remember me yet?
- Roxas: Yeah you were my boyfriend.
- Axel: WAS NOT! Anyways let's fight.
- *Roxas summons two Keyblades*
- Axel: Two Keyblades?
- Kelsley: TWO KEYBLADES??????
- *Roxas kicks Axel's head in with his oversized loafers*
- Axel: See you on the other side.
- Kelsley: Yeah whatever. Bye.
- *Roxas finds the egg thingies with Donald, Goofy, and lastly Sora*
- Roxas: I guess my vacation is over.
- Kelsley: WAIT ROXAS NO DON'T LEAVE ME
- Donald: C'mon Sora let's go find your boyfrie - I mean Riku.
- Kelsley: I hate you you stupid duck give me Roxas.
Me playing Kingdom Hearts II
- *Sora discovers Atlantica*
- Kelsley: Fuck yeah! I loved Atlantica in the first game! Ariel was pretty awesome as a team member.
- King Triton: We'd like you to sing instead of fight.
- Kelsley: OK, that sounds - WAIT WHAT
- *Sora Donald and Goofy sing Under the Sea*
- Kelsley: What the fuck am I playing, I just wanted to fight Heartless with Ariel.
- *Game kicks Sora out of Atlantica*
- Game: Come back when you learn Magnet!
- *Kelsley quietly dies inside*
Me playing Kingdom Hearts II
- *Roxas must fight Seifer*
- *Roxas must choose Offense, Defence, or Magic*
- *Remembering the days of Kingdom Hearts 1, Kelsley picks Magic*
- Roxas: Let's kick this goof's head in.
- *Roxas kicks said goof's head in*
- *4 hours later Kelsley discovers the magic sucks balls and regrets picking Magic as his best ability*
Me playing Kingdom Hearts II
- *Sora is fighting Xaldin at Beast's Castle*
- Kelsley: I am not looking forward to this.
- *Xaldin is armed with 9,001 spears*
- *Sora has a sword-sized key*
- *Donald, Goofy and Beast have presumably shit their pants in terror, knowing they have to fight the white Jamaican with the crazy weapon*
- *Battle begins*
- Kelsley: This isn't so bad.
- *Xaldin tears Sora a new asshole*
- Kelsley: OK. That was fast.
- *Game gives Kelsley the option to continue the fight as Mickey Mouse*
- *Mickey flips down Yoda style into the fight*
- Mickey: Let's fuck this bitch up.
- *Xaldin kills Mickey*
- *Kelsley cries himself to sleep*
Me playing Oblivion (with a level 13 character named Rachel)
- *Rachel is running through the forest*
- *Wild Unicorn appears*
- Kelsley: Sweet! Never seen one of these in this game!
- *Kelsley snaps a picture on his camera to tell all the nerds about at school the next day*
- *Rachel climbs on Unicorn*
- *Rachel and Unicorn go on epic adventure of about 2 metres*
- *Wild Minotaur appears*
- *Rachel gets off Unicorn*
- *Rachel fights Minotaur*
- *Unicorn fights Minotaur*
- *Unicorn kills Minotaur*
- Kelsley: Thanks, Unicorn! You're a life-saver!
- *Unicorn puts Rachel on its list of people to fuck up*
- *Unicorn tramples Rachel*
- Kelsley: WHY UNICORN
- *Unicorn does not stop*
- Kelsley: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING
- *Unicorn leaves Rachel dead and broken and gallops away to shit on the dreams of other unaware adventurers*
